definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
