the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
last night I used snow as a chaser
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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