Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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