..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
