I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
