TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
