mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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