I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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