So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
