ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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