Kiss
Puke
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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