it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
