mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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