you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
