he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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