I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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