his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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