listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
