he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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