Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize