I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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