I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
how drunk are you?
Several
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize