whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize