I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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