I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
