I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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