the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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