I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
did i just pee glitter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
