Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
