Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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