Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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