im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
