i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
