He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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