I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize