I just pynch a tree in the face
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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