I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
