I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
