I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
