"it" just moved
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
