i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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