Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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