Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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