threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
