next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
