I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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