Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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