....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
