..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
