thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
