Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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