this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
