it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
