so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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