i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't notice because vodka
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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