Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
