well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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