If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
