everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
