Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
