so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
