I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
