Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
