what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
