The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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