He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
