I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
