I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize