soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
