Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
