i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
