im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
