Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
