i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
