ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
