you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Text me some of your sweat
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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