Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
