Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
